For The Love Of Beauty – Mary Ann Buffam

I visited my dad yesterday.  He lives in an assisted living centre where he is surrounded by caregivers and residents.

My dad suffers with dementia – this terrible disease that robs the mind of memory.  When one member of the family suffers we all suffer.

As we watch this happen we grieve with him the loss of so much – the ability to process – the ability to remember – the ability to understand.  We watch as this man who carries himself with such dignity and poise – struggles to remember what to do with a tooth brush – how to put on a belt – and where to find his razor.

And yet with the help of those caregivers around him he still looks every bit the same as in his younger days – as he gently allows us, or the caregivers he trusts to lead him through the daily routines and ensure he is always ready for the day.

He has the reputation in his residence of being so well dressed, and the ladies there remind us of that when we visit.  They tell us he is the best looking man there.  And of course we smile knowing that my dad would never imagine anyone thinking this.  We also smile, because we know that just finding clothes each day to wear is a struggle, let alone knowing what shirt to match with which pants, and finding the right socks and shoes.

It is my dad’s humble spirit that allows him to trust others to help him.  It is gentleness that gives him the grace to accept this help with dignity and trust.  And as I watch this play out on a daily basis in his life I realize that it is only because he has had this same attitude all throughout his life that he is able to have this attitude now – now at a time where he doesn’t have the same capacity to filter his thoughts and his responses.

I marvel that the man who he has always been, a man full of grace, goodness, encouragement, thoughtfulness, humour, insight, wisdom, and straight forward truth is still who he is.  Kindness is the reputation he has – the nurses tell us he has such a good heart.  When we tell them he seems good today – they respond by telling us he is always good – because his heart is good.

And as I watch this unfold – the last years of my dad’s life – I wonder if I will finish well as he is finishing well.  Some would say he isn’t finishing well because there are times he talks in circles making no sense at all – mixing thoughts up – speaking nonsense even though somewhere in the confused communication there is truth and logic.  Some would say what a shame that he is so healthy and yet his mind is so far gone at times he doesn’t know his own children.  Some would say what a shame his life has come to this – and yes there is great sadness that this disease has taken so much.

But as I watch him deal with this on a daily basis I see a man who finishes each visit and each telephone call with the phrase “keep on keeping on” as if to say – where there is life there is hope – and where there is hope there is love.  And he lives this way – and treats all who he comes into contact with kindness, and with encouragement.

I imagine he does this because he made a decision early in his life to live this way – to see goodness in all things – to see hope in the darkest hour – to trust even when he didn’t understand.  He made a decision to treat all those around him with gentleness and goodness – and because he did this when he knew to do this – he does this now even when he doesn’t know to do it – it is a natural response – a way of life.

That is what I call finishing well.

And he inspires me to live well now so that I will set the pattern for finishing well.  I realized after my visit that I am not gentle as he is gentle – I am not patient as he is patient – I am not kind as he is kind.  And so I am thankful for his example to me – I am thankful for the check in my spirit to be better and do better.

And I realize that finishing well is not always what we imagine it to be – finishing well is living in such a way that you inspire those around you to finish well too!

O Lord, grant me to greet the coming day in peace.

Help me in all things to rely upon thy holy will. In every hour of the day reveal thy will to me.

Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul, and with the firm conviction that thy will governs all.

In all my deeds and words guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events, let me not forget that all are sent by thee.

Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others.

Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day and all that it shall bring.

Direct my will, teach me to pray, pray thou thyself in me.

Amen.”

Cool chairs – I love them!

That’s it – just wanted to share !

 “But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.
They are like trees planted along a riverbank,
with roots that reach deep into the water.
Such trees are not bothered by the heat
or worried by long months of drought.
Their leaves stay green,
and they never stop producing fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

I love hydrangea – many of you know that!  They take a LOT of water – especially when they are planted in a place where there is a great amount of sun!  The large beautiful flowers are so delicate – and without the water in their stems they droop over and loose their beauty so quickly.   They need water – and lots of it – especially  in the hot weather which we have had such an abundance of this year.  I am amazed at the amount this plant is drinking – from the roots to the stems – to the flowers.  You can see how the water gives the stems strength and lifts the plant giving it the ability to stand up against the sun, and the wind.

Deep roots are so important – for when the soil on the surface dries out the deeper the roots, the more moisture and water is available.

I am so thankful that I have deep roots in my life.  I am thankful that these deep rooted values and beliefs which stem from my faith, keep me grounded and firm when the winds of life blow and the sun dries the ground around.  I will not be blown down although maybe tossed around – the deep roots keep me planted and steadfast.  When in a dry season, my deep roots allow me to draw on water that is deeper than I knew could possibly be there.

It is so important to be a deeply rooted person – because the winds of life will blow, and drought will come – but for those whose roots are deep – for those who can stand firm with integrity and truth and love – they will not be moved.

Make sure you grow deep roots in your life – deep roots will prove to be invaluable in times of trouble – in times of storm and in times of drought.

I was so delighted when I received an email two weeks ago  Friday morning.   “Would you like company?”  Of course I would love company!  And so my sister and her husband made their way from Niagara Falls to Toronto  Friday evening to spend a leisurely weekend at my place.  And that is just what is was – restful – no agenda – no schedule – eat – drink – and be merry!

Climbing out of bed on Saturday morning – brewing the coffee – walking out to the garden – sitting and listening to the birds wake up  - pure joy!  Listening to the water fountain spill water over the granite rock puts your mind into a tranquil state.  Pure relaxation.  And no agenda – bliss!

I could swear the hydrangea plant grew in front of our eyes – so many buds coming – so many flowers to look forward to!

There is just something so relaxing about sitting back in your chair that reclines at just the right angle and watching the clouds move ever so slowly – covering the sun – then waiting for the clouds to move so the sun can warm our skin – what a relaxing change from the stresses of life and work!

When my sisters husband enters the scene and asks what we have been talking about all morning – the answer is – well only a couple of things – but we covered them well – with lots of laughter!  There is just something about chewing a subject well that lands you in a spot where all you can do is laugh and look at life through the bigger picture of a Creator who has control of it all.

I, along with my family have been through tough times in recent months and years – much loss and stress – on so many levels – and so this time of relaxation was so needed, welcomed and appreciated.  When stress is great – the appreciation for what you used to take for granted is multiplied.  To be able to relax and enjoy nothingness – was for us beautiful.  I felt the sun in a way that I had not before – I enjoyed the sounds of nature in a new way – and I loved the time together to relax.  So much of our family time has been taken up in care giving, planning moves for parents who need greater care, emptying out the contents of houses, planning funerals (I’m so sorry to say this but I speak truth here) and solving problems that need to be looked after that were complicated and affected lives other than our own – that is the nature of care giving.

But beauty does come in the unexpected – the reflection of the sun on the small water fountain, the birds who cautiously danced toward the pond hoping to get a bath – the squirrels that look at you with suspect eyes wondering why you have invaded their little haven – the smell of a BBQ cooking steak – ah that smell is heaven – the sound of the laughter of children in other yards around – the mixture of rustic fence wood against the colour of the new green leaves on the growing plants – and the feeling that you are with people who love you – who support you – and who have your back.  That is what family is – at least to me – and especially after you have journeyed together through loss and sadness and stress.  Beauty is knowing you are surrounded by love.

I am learning to drink in the small things – drink in the beauty of the sunshine, the beauty of the rain, the beauty of the fragrance of flowers, the green of grass and so many other small things that I so often have taken for granted.

And so as I face a new day today I will be very mindful of the beauty around me – in creation, in music, in design, in style, in wonderful food,  in laughter, in personality, in service  - in everything –  and especially in unexpected places.  Joy always comes in the morning – so here is to the morning!

It’s not what you look at – it’s what you see!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

Beautiful!

What beauty do you see in your life today?

In Quiet and Confidence is our Strength

Has the sound of silence ever been so loud that you feel it is screaming at you?  I know it has been for me – and especially so when we long to hear a word from someone, or share a word with someone.  There are times when we long for communication – we long to be heard  - and yet there is silence.

There are times when we wish God would step into our universe and just talk to us – help us understand – speak to us clearly and audibly.  In times when there is silence, we hope for peace – and we hope for understanding – we hope for hope.  But there are times when silence seems to go on and on – and understanding is limited.

I try to find the beauty in the silence – beauty in the stillness – build faith and strength in times of  silence.  If God is holy – then there is holiness in silence – for we are told to be still and know God.

As I have been pondering these things lately, I came across a story of a young 16 year old girl who struggles with autism – the kind of autism that hampers verbal communication – at least in the form of words.  Locked in her prison of silence – the inability to communicate – the world went on around her.  People, even those close to her did not understand that she understood everything going on around her – she understood what was being said and what was being done.  Everyone assumed that because she could not communicate therefore she could not be communicated with.  Everyone thought if she could not speak – she could not think and understand.  This was so far from the truth.  When she was given the tool to communicate through an electronic keyboard – she was able to talk fully and completely – albeit slowly.  Her problem had been her inability to get what she wanted to say from the inside to the outside verbally.  Locked in her prison – she suffered greatly and was misunderstood completely.

How often do we misunderstand silence – how often do we misunderstand the message – just because someone is not able to communicate it to us.  Silence can be so misunderstood.

In times when there is only silence – let us draw on the strength of the words “be still and know that I am God”.  Silence may not be a denial of communication, but perhaps in the silence the message speaks clearly – be still and know – be still and wait – be still and trust – be still as things unfold – be still.

In quiet and confidence is our strength!

Just because no one is speaking – does not mean no one is listening – a lot may very well be going on in the silence.

“Be still and know that I am  God’

I know it is a little late for Valentines Day – however, I have to pay tribute to the colour red!  Especially red in small doses – a touch here and a touch there!  There is just something about pairing red and white together that brings a smile to my face!  Here are just a few examples that I think are worth copying!

I love a red front door – both on the outside – and on the inside!

I have an addiction to kitchen towels – I can’t buy enough of them for some reason.  I think it is because my mom always used to tell me to make sure I had clean kitchen towels out when having guests for dinner.  Interesting how we remember little things we were taught!  I love these red and white towels – and I love the red and white checked flooring – what a courageous move!

A red door says welcome like no other door!  Love it!

Go Red Go!!

It was a little more than one year ago that I decided to create this blog – and one year later, and close to 100 posts – I still enjoy this outlet to share my love of beauty.

So much has happened in this year – I would not have believed it if you had told me this year would hold so much change and loss.  But in the midst of all of that I still choose to see the beauty around – even the beauty in the loss and the grief.  The old saying goes – you can be bitter or better – and I know for a fact you can make that choice – and I chose better.  Pain builds endurance and endurance builds strength – and in strength lies great beauty.

The story of Rosa Parks is written in a book entitled “Quiet Strength”  - and that for me describes her so perfectly – deep resolve and a quiet yet mighty force that changed the course of history. I see great beauty in this quiet strength.

My brother passed away suddenly less than a month ago, and I have found it difficult to write – I didn’t want to drag others down into my grief and I was not clear how to write about beauty in the midst of such loss.  What I know deep within is that even in times when we lose we can find peace and joy – and I am finding that.  Somewhere deep within we call on that quiet strength that comes from the exercise of the muscle – the muscle of endurance.

I made the decision a year ago to write not because I had an audience, or because I wanted to develop an audience, but rather because I wanted to express my love and appreciation for beauty – I wanted to celebrate the creative spirit – and this has become for me an outlet.

Beauty can be seen in so many places – if we only open our eyes – open our ears – open our hearts to it.  Even in the midst of sadness beauty can be found – sometimes it is the loss that gives us the ability to appreciate what we do have. Light shines very bright when in a dark room.  Joy is great when found through pain.  Open your eyes – open your ears – beauty can be found.

After winter comes spring – and after spring comes summer – and although the the grass is brown and the branches are bare – it will not be long before new life will spring forth – beauty – new life – joy!

And so I celebrate one year on this blog!  I am excited to see what this next year will hold!  I know it will be wonderful – for joy does come in the morning!

He will cover you with his feathers.

He will shelter you with his wings.

His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Psalm 91:4